Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
