no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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