how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
