I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
