its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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