you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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