just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
