M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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