You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
whose ass print is on the piano?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
