i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
