It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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