Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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