My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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