I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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