He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't deserve a penis
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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