i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
