Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
