She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
