you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
