so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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