Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
high people should be assigned attendants
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
