I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
