why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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