i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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