I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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