i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
