I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
