Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
