i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
