The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
