i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
