i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
