took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
