I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
