they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
