turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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