i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
