i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
