i barfeds in our rink
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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