Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
