How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
