the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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