I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
