I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
