i was born a porn star she said
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
