ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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