Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
