in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
