Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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