I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
