That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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